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| Introduction |
01 |
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00:43 |
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| Massive Oil Spill Results in Improved Wildlife Viscosity |
02 |
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00:42 |
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| Cop Kills His Own Partner and Vows to Track Himself Down |
03 |
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00:35 |
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| NASA Is Baffled by Failure of Straw Shuttle |
04 |
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00:43 |
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| Clinton Seduced By Suave International Diamond Thief |
05 |
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00:33 |
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| Area Bassist Fellated |
06 |
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00:34 |
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| High Court Bans Same-Sex Friendships |
07 |
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00:40 |
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| The Amish Give Up |
08 |
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00:26 |
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| Giant Six-Year-Old Devastates Area Ant Community |
09 |
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00:43 |
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| "The Robots Are Our Friends": An Editorial By Helen Liedermeyer |
10 |
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04:59 |
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| Family of Four Rescued from a Burning House by Homosexual |
11 |
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00:33 |
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| Desperate Vegetarians Declare Cows Plants |
12 |
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00:43 |
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| Whale Market Targeted with New Plankton-Flavored Peanut Butter |
13 |
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00:35 |
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| Christopher Reeve Placed Atop Washington Monument |
14 |
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00:40 |
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| Civil War Enthusiasts Burn Atlanta to the Ground |
15 |
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00:39 |
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| Jesus Christ Hires Associate Christ |
16 |
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00:34 |
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| Blues Man Claims Yemen Done Him Wrong |
17 |
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00:48 |
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| Taco Bell Launches New "Morning After" Burrito |
18 |
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00:40 |
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| Zookeeper Savagely Raped By Grizzly Bear |
19 |
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00:40 |
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| Jews Ordered Back To Egypt For Pyramid Duty |
20 |
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00:39 |
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| Clinton Deploys Vowels To Bosnia |
21 |
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00:54 |
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| "Those Motherfucking Robins Are On Thin Ice With Me": An Editorial By Joseph Marty |
22 |
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04:37 |
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| Nine People Drawn & Quartered at Out-of-Hand Renaissance Fair |
23 |
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00:38 |
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| Neighbors Remember Serial Killer As Serial Killer |
24 |
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00:33 |
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| Chrysler Discontinues Neck Belts |
25 |
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00:39 |
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| Teachers Appalled By Poorly-Written Teen Suicide Notes |
26 |
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00:43 |
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| Mother Teresa Sent To Hell in Wacky Afterlife Mixup |
27 |
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00:44 |
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| Buck Naked Man Stresses Importance of Proper Schooling |
28 |
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00:39 |
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| Ants Demand 23.9 Hour Workday |
29 |
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00:39 |
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| President Clinton Written Up By "Total Bitch" Supervisor |
30 |
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00:45 |
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| Congress Approves "Americans With No Abilities" Act |
31 |
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00:43 |
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| New High-Viscosity Mayonnaise Will Help Americans Swallow |
32 |
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00:44 |
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| Collectable Plate Industry Calls For Tragic Death Of Barbara Streisand |
33 |
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00:36 |
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| "Hitler Was Wrong!" The Outside Scoop By Jacky Harvey |
34 |
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03:31 |
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| McDonald's Unveils New All-Beef Bun |
35 |
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00:34 |
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| President's Head Sawed Off |
36 |
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00:36 |
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| Phillip Morris Lawyers Deny Cigarettes Are Cylindrical |
37 |
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00:36 |
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| New Cereal for the Poor Stays Crunchy In Water |
38 |
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00:34 |
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| Revolutionary New Aspershirt Relieves Torso Pain |
39 |
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00:32 |
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| Vatican Unveils Pope Signal |
40 |
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00:37 |
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| Greenpeace Releases Dolphins Into Forest |
41 |
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00:34 |
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| Local Wal-Mart Greeter At Death's Door |
42 |
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00:38 |
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| Richard Simmons Fights For Life in Estrogen Tent |
43 |
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00:44 |
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| Lucky Dead Student Gets His Own Page In Yearbook |
44 |
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00:41 |
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| NRA Changes Focus From Guns To Penmanship |
45 |
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00:37 |
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| "I Am A Bad Ass": An Editorial By Herbert Kornfeld |
46 |
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05:52 |
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| Quincy Suspects Murder |
47 |
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00:42 |
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| Jews Are Celebrating Rosh Hoshasha Or Something |
48 |
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00:42 |
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| Bourbon Helps Carpet Salesman Forget About Carpeting for a While |
49 |
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00:44 |
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| White Castle Plundered By Turks |
50 |
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00:40 |
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| Ted Nugent's New Cologne Tested On Every Known Animal |
51 |
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00:43 |
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| Don King Enjoys A "Grandilomentitudinous" Sandwich |
52 |
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00:40 |
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| Family Dog Suspected In Miniature Chuck Wagon Disaster |
53 |
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00:46 |
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| Utter Failure Plans To Spend Rest Of Day In Bed |
54 |
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00:40 |
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| Congress Lowers Killing Age To 19 |
55 |
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00:35 |
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| Scandal In The Special Olympics |
56 |
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00:38 |
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| "It's Not A Crack House, It's A Crack Home"--By Helen Ulrich, Crack Whore |
57 |
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05:06 |
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| Area Man Busts His Ass All Day, And For What? |
58 |
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00:41 |
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| Mongol Warriors Sack & Pillage U.S. |
59 |
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00:34 |
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| Hate Crime Bill Stalled By Pro-Hate Lobby |
60 |
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00:36 |
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| 80% Of Americans Favor Storming Castle and Destroying the Inhuman Monster |
61 |
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00:41 |
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| Man With Heart Disease Eagerly Awaits Death Of Young Boy |
62 |
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00:38 |
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| Face Of Jesus Seen On Miracle Hippie |
63 |
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00:36 |
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| An Ant Is Born |
64 |
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00:38 |
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| Babies Are Stupid |
65 |
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00:43 |
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| NRA President Charlton Heston: A Hebrew? |
66 |
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00:40 |
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| Coffeehouse Encounter Results In Conversation And Cunnilingus |
67 |
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00:39 |
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| Drunken Man Makes Interesting Point About Society |
68 |
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00:45 |
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| Local Masturbator Gets All the Latest Swimwear News On E! |
69 |
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00:43 |
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| Outtro |
70 |
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00:19 |
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